I was going to write a quick Instagram post on this feeling, but then I realized that it may be a little more deep-seeded than a quick blurb. I went to a show this weekend. Not a huge show. Just a rinky-dink bar show. A passion of mine is supporting the local music scene, and what better way than to attend shows. Also, a dear friend of mine that I do not see nearly enough invited me.
I’ll admit, I know I’ve been kind of a hermit the last few years. A lot has changed in my energy levels and health. If I’m being true to who I am, though, that person is not a hermit. So, even though it was nearing the end of the work-week (it was a Friday and my work-week ends on a Saturday) and the show didn’t start until 10pm, I went. The band was awesome, up-beat, and a lot of fun. I swayed and danced to the music like I normally do. One of the best ways to enjoy music is to get lost in it.
All of a sudden I noticed a deep, sharp pain in the bottom of my rib cage. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary, but still annoying. I kept dancing. Then I noticed my left knee had its usual pain. I kept dancing. Shortly after, the dull headache I had started to get worse. Normal, considering it was the end of the day. I kept dancing. My chronic back pain started flaring. I kept dancing. I started to get short of breath. I kept dancing. It was then I started to notice that my body was sore. There was a general pain that I couldn’t place. It was distracting me from the music.
I kept dancing.
Instead of continuing to dance to the music, I was now looking around at everyone else dancing. How easy and freeing they made it look. When did this pain start? Am I in pain? All this was normal, so I brushed it off until it was all stacked up. When did I start dancing to try to escape the pain and free myself instead of dancing to get lost in the music? I wanted to be free like all the others enjoying the music. Were they not in pain? Why was it so easy for them? I was jealous.
I thought this was an important moment to share because no one in that bar (besides my loving friend that understood when I needed to lean against the wall, then shortly after, go home because I just couldn’t stand any longer) knew that I am sick. That’s the thing about invisible illnesses. Life can look so easy from the outside. Yes, I was dancing. I was doing what everyone else was doing, but I was in pain. Of course I still had fun and enjoyed the music. I’m also super glad that I chose to go. There will always be moments when my cystic fibrosis reminds me of its unrelenting grip on my life. No, as you can see, it does not control me, but it’s always there.
P.S. I don’t have an image from the show to put in here because I didn’t know that I would be writing this post. In the moment (at the bar), I was having fun. I was enjoying my time. The fleeting thoughts that resonated with me on my drive home are what inspired this post. So don’t feel bad that I was in pain because it really didn’t bother me all that much. I think it’s just important to remember sometimes what it takes for a chronically ill person to get out of the house and have fun.
Thank you fr sharing this personal story. Hopefully it will inspire others to open up as well 🙂
I hope so! Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it. 🙂
I have 2 friends that have chronic pain and I always wondered how they felt in everyday situations. Your post gave me insight. I appreciate it very much
I’m so glad that you were able to relate in one way or another. Feel free to share this post with your friends. My goal is to spread awareness and help people understand what it’s like to live with cystic fibrosis and invisible, chronic illness.
Good post and a good lesson to others ! Thanks for sharing
Bless your heart!! It was good for you to get out though. Hope your health gets better so you can enjoy the fullness of your life!
I can so relate to this, especially when you call it an invisible illness because so many of us have one of those. Mine is lupus and I have chronic pain as well. People think we LOOK fine, so we must BE fine and sometimes, that’s hard to explain to people. I admire you for going out and trying to enjoy it in the midst of not feeling the best when the pain hits. You inspire many, no doubt.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, it can be so hard to understand what someone with an invisible illness goes through, especially because we usually try to go about it with a smile. I hope you are well, and I hope to see you around the blogosphere! 🙂
Its great that you are trying to enjoy yourself even in pain.
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you r a dancer like me. we always keep going. i will come back to this:)
Oh my. I’m definitely not a dancer, I just like to have fun. Although maybe that makes me a dancer? I may not be good, but it makes me happy. Thank you so much for reading my blog. I’m so happy you enjoyed it! I hope to see you around. 🙂
I can imagine it would have been nice for you to enjoy an activity out of the house with a friend, even though the pain followed you. It sounds like you were trying as much as possible to enjoy the music and atmosphere without letting the pain get the best of you.
Yes! Sometimes you can really go crazy if you stay inside too much, ya know? haha. Thanks for reading my story!
Thanks for sharing this. My boyfriend suffers from chronic pain too and although he tries not to let it take over, it’s hard to escape sometimes. Glad you enjoyed your night of dancing 🙂 xxxx
Thank YOU for reading! I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend suffers from chronic pain, but I’m glad you could relate. What fun things do you guys do to keep his mind off of his pain? 🙂